A Checklist For What To Do After A Domestic Violence Incident
Protect yourself (and your case) to minimize or avoid future issues.
There is enough going on right now without having to come up with a list on your own.
Print this list out (or write it down) and knock off the items as you can. You may have enough energy to do a few at a time, or it may take days or weeks to complete a single one. Do the best you can.
Get a checkup with a doctor: Adrenaline will mask the pain for a little while, but it wears off. You may be more injured than you realize, and the media record can be submitted to the police report.
Take pictures of yourself and the area where the incident happened: Take pictures every day for the next week. Some bruises don’t show up immediately.
Write down what happened: A natural fog happens often to DV victims in the moment. Those memories will come flooding back fast. Get them down on paper so they aren’t just floating in your head.
Have any witnesses write down what happened as well.
Get a copy of the police report and the EPO and have them on file somewhere.
Gather their stuff and clothes and have them in bags by the door: Be sure the police are escorting them if they must come by to pick them up. Or you can ask to drop their things off at the station. Never ever let them come by alone. Have a witness who is on your side. Someone from their side will not be enough.
Create an email address to communicate with them about things that need to be done to separate your lives: This is for things like communicating about children, removing names from bills, dissolving business dealings, etc. Set the boundaries with this. Do not relentlessly check it and only use it for this purpose.
Block their contact on everything.
Set up a camera on all entrances/ exits: You may need one inside of the home as well.
Create a list of everything that may have their name co-listed on it: Like bills, etc., and what of theirs might have your name on it.
Start a journal: Journals are evidence in court. If they stalk you or try to harass you in any way, document it.
Write a shit list: Write down everything they have ever done to you. You’ll need this later when the crisis mellows out. (Just trust me on this.) Victims go through a foggy period where they doubt their memory and question whether they made too big a deal of things. A shit list is a reminder that it happened and you aren’t crazy.
Create a Google Drive file to put everything in: Scan images of documents you need and share with trusted people, just in case. Like your family members and/or the officer on your case.
Get a therapist or coach: I offer coaching and have other coach recommendations if you need them. Research therapists and support groups in your area or via therapy apps. There is someone out there who can help support you.
Reach out to advocacy organizations to get an advocate: They can help you with legal things and go with you to court if needed.
If you have any recommendations to be added to this list, please let me know.
Be Kind To Your Body And Mind
This is a stressful time. You can do this.
This is the perfect opportunity to get out of this relationship and flourish in the future.
Good luck
