But He’s Not Smart Enough To Do That

IQ has little to do with the ability to abuse and harm.

So many people have uttered this phrase!!!

“He’s not smart enough to do that.”

It’s the sentiment that the narcissist couldn’t possibly be as diabolical as they are because they simply aren’t smart enough to get away with their schemes. He/ she, it doesn’t matter the gender. What matters is that people seem to think that their person cannot be as abysmal as they have been because they lack the IQ for the planning and forethought that it takes to pull off their antics.

There are some things I hear time and time again that make me sigh. Not out of frustration, but because I remember thinking them as well, once upon a time…….. Now I know better.

You Don’t Have To Be Smart To Do What Comes Naturally

Do you think about walking? Chewing? Screaming when you’re scared? Brushing your teeth? Driving to work?

Yeah, you may have had to learn how to do these things, and it took a little bit of time to get good at them. Once you have learned, do you have to put much effort into it?

Of course not, they go on autopilot. They become habits. Instinctual.

Imagine you were born with the proclivity to do something. Your body was created for it. Your neurons fire in just the right way to make that thing happen. Your brain is structurally set up to promote the thing. Life circumstances have honed your ability to perform it. You practiced for years and learned from your mistakes, getting more efficient at the thing you were born and raised to do. Even when you didn’t realize it, you were doing it. It is what you are as much as what you practice. You automatically do it, even when you actively try not to, because your energy flows in that direction.

Why would you have to be smart?

Why Does It Matter If They Are Smart Enough Or Not?

It takes a bit of time to let this thought settle in.

When people say this, they are usually at the beginning stages of acceptance. They are in the midst of wrapping their minds around the concept that IQ isn’t an excuse for the behavior they have witnessed and/or experienced, and that YES! What happened was intentional!

The question above is rhetorical. Why does it matter to you? That’s something important to drill down into. Why is this reason so critical? What would it mean if that thought were not true? Is it too dangerous to consider?

Maybe not dangerous to your life, but to your way of life?

Would you be forced to upend your relationship, marriage, family, job, religion, and/or community? Would you have to look at your own actions and beliefs?

A lot can hinge on a thought.

If Smart Doesn’t Matter, What Does?

Safety matters.

Let’s pretend for a moment that the person abusing you is an absolute idiot who can barely run an errand and doesn’t know how to load a dishwasher. What does that mean about the people they take advantage of? Are they all ultra-mega idiots because they fell for their games?

Of course not.

They somehow know how to keep you coming back for more. They have found a method that works. They refined their skills over a lifetime. It’s reflexive to them. Like pulling away from a hot stove or grabbing your thumb if you smash it.

Predatory behavior doesn’t always come crashing through the wall like the Kool-Aid man. Often, it walks right through the front door with a smile and a housewarming gift. Looking and feeling innocent, until the moment it doesn’t.

The same way we don’t see a cat stalk a bird and think “Wow! That’s a genius cat!” We expect even the dumbest cat to know how to chase prey. Why? Because it’s what cats do.

The same thing goes for abusers. We can’t look at people who are predators and think that they are too stupid to do what they do.

It leaves you open to further manipulation and abuse.