Can Narcissism Be Cured?

It depends on how you answer the question, “What is a narcissist?”

Did you know that the other name for the Daffodil is the Narcissus?

It’s beautiful, looks downward, is often found near water, and is loved by many people. The name fits the mythology.

When you think of a narcissist, what comes to mind?

Is it an appealing flower that makes you happy, or is it a person who lies, manipulates, and wreaks havoc in other people’s lives? I’m guessing it’s the latter.

That leads to the next question -> What is a narcissist?

This needs to be answered before understanding whether a “cure” is possible.

Are They Sick?

Deep down, what is happening to someone who is considered a narcissist?

The word narcissism is nothing negative on its own. It’s a description of a style. When someone is labeled as narcissistic, they are identified with an adjective for their behavior style. The way they are acting is narcissistic.

That’s different than someone being diagnosed with a condition.

If they are given a further distinction by getting the diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, then they are in a different ballpark altogether.

Technically, NPD is a diagnosis under the Cluster B category of personality disorders in the DSM. But what does that mean for you and me? Is it a disease, dysfunction, or disorder like cerebral palsy, cancer, or the flu? What is it?

That varies, depending on who you ask.

Ask an average lawyer -> They’ll give you a shoulder shrug and say, “Well, they’re the ultimate jerks, but that’s not illegal.”

Ask a physician -> They’ll tell you that they are healthy and don’t have any ailments.

Ask a therapist -> They may tell you they are disordered and have maladaptive coping skills that cause other people trouble and stress.

Ask a victim of one -> You’ll get a story of deep pain and torment that was inflicted upon them in ways you can’t imagine.

Like a radioactive rock, narcissism poisons the atmosphere and creates sickness in others. But are they themselves sick?

They Better Hope So

If not, then there is no way to cure them.

They are what they are.

What is there to cure if the “disease” is the core of their being? How do you heal that?

I personally do not believe there is a cure for it. Just like there is no cure for having red hair or brown eyes. You can mask it with dye or wear colored contacts, but can you truly change what is coming from the inside?

There is nothing to cure, it’s a trait.

That doesn’t mean they can’t learn to do better and correct their behaviors.

Narcissists change their behaviors all the time. They know how to do it when they are motivated to. The problem is that they aren’t motivated to do something for the greater good too often.

Not because they are evil or possessed. It’s because high selfishness and low agreeableness are wrapped into the trait. They can’t stop thinking the way they were born and bred to think. Again, it is who they are.

They may want to change, and often do, but do they want it more than:

• Their want to get their way?

• Their want to be in control?

• Their need to have power?

• Their desire to be on top?

That want for change has to be consistent long enough for change to take root and turn into a habit. New habit formations (and the breakdown of old ones) take time and a ton of effort.

Are most narcissists going to take that time and make that effort to benefit others? It’s not likely.

Inside, they will still be narcissists. Outside, they will have a more measured demeanor. But it didn’t go away.

Don’t Expect Them To Be Curable

You may have a narcissist in your life who is going to therapy or coaching. They may be walking the walk and talking the talk at the moment.

Give it time.

Anyone can fake progress for a while. Some can do it for a long time, but this kind of change is something that will take years for them to master. They have to be willing to put in the energy and focus over the long haul.

That doesn’t mean you should wait for them to do it.

This is not a plea for patience. I DO NOT believe waiting around for the changes is a good idea. Let them do it on their own. You can’t help them with it anyway. They have to do their own work and create their own future.

People change when they want to, whether or not there is someone there beside them. This must come 100% internally from them for it to be the least bit effective.

Hopefully, someday someone will come up with a solution to this issue.

Until then, keep your guard up against narcissists who are claiming to be cured or on the way there. They wouldn’t be making this claim if they understood themselves and their disorder. Which is a sign that they don’t get it yet.

Let go of the hope. It’s the last line keeping you stuck to them.

Release it.