Translating Commonly Used Narcissist Sayings
This is what they mean when they say these.
An honest narcissist.
It only exists when they are trying to hurt you with words. At any other time, the things you hear are not a part of reality here on Earth.
When they tell you one thing, you can be sure that they mean something different. The odds of sincerity and truth are most likely a big ol’ ZERO.
That being said, here are some of their commonly used terms with the proper translation so you don’t let them get a lie past you again.
“I Would Never Do That”
Translation: I already did that. Or I’m about to do that.
If you ask a narcissist or accuse one of doing something that they haven’t done or actually would never do-> they will fight you over it. This is when they blow their lids and attempt to put you in your place at the mere thought of it.
If something is inconceivable to them, they won’t let it slide that you could dare to accuse them.
They aren’t going to spend a second trying to convince you that they wouldn’t do something unless they:
Have spent time doing that thing in the past
Already planned on doing it in the future
Have considered it in the past and want to try it
They loved the idea when you said it and want to give it a go
The point is, they want you to believe that they don’t have it in them to do it.
They do. They really do. 10/10, they do. It’s in them, they have it.
“You Deserve Better Than Me”
Translation: I’m trying to get you to leave me first.
An alternate version of this saying is, “I want the best for you.”
When a narcissist wants you to be the one to call things off, they will give you plenty of reasons and attempt to force your hand. Ironically, this doesn’t often work because of trauma bonds and mixed messages.
They have set up the situation so you have a very difficult time leaving because of the abuse cycle.
That’s not what they are thinking at the moment. They aren’t considering how hard things have been for you or how hard they will get, they are simply trying to get you to be “the bad guy”.
They need to keep up appearances. That is what’s important. They want it to seem like it was either 1. a mutual decision or 2. they got dumped. Either one will work as a story that saves face and leaves them with an untarnished image.
This tactic plays out in a few ways. Here are 2 of them.
Scenario 1: Save Yourself
They get you to walk away willingly by making themselves out to be damaged goods, and they are “saving you” from the pain of being with someone so broken.
You leave with a pretty picture painted of them and they wander off into the sunset like some kind of antihero. Not good but not terrible also. Redeemable in a way.
They leave a line back to you this way for a future Hoover.
Scenario 2: Left Broken
After telling you that they are no good, they begin acting no good.
But not all the time.
They mix it up between good and bad, so they seem like they have a piece of them that is conflicted about their actions. They aren’t conflicted; this is intentional and specifically crafted to make you confused and push you to your breaking point.
Remember, they want you to be the one to leave them.
In the end, you don’t feel good about leaving. You know you needed to do it to save yourself, but you also are left with a bitter taste because they showed just enough goodness that they don’t seem like a completely lost cause.
They never stop giving you the message of -> leave me, but don’t leave me, but please, for real, leave me. It’s disorienting on purpose.
He/she was just a poor, broken baby bird who needed more love than you had to give in this moment. Again, they leave a line back in case they want to draw you back in for round 2 of the nonsense.
“It’s Only Because I Love You So Much”
Translation: I’m obsessed with controlling you.
You have to ask yourself what love means to them. Does it mean the same thing to both of you?
Unless you are also a narcissist, it doesn’t.
Love to a narcissist is not a calming, steady thing that anchors you in reality. However, it is on a chain. A heavy, heavy chain. It’s a trauma bond. It binds you to them and their chaotic existence. There is no peace in the love a narcissist feels.
How else could you stay on the roller coaster ride? If you weren’t strapped down, you’d get thrown off back to Earth.
Their love is about functionality. What purpose are you serving them? They use love like a remote control to keep you acting the way they want you to.
Even if they have no clue why they do it or that they are doing it, they do it.
“What About You?”
Translation: You don’t have the right to tell me anything about myself since you aren’t perfect.
Talk about a Duh statement.
Duh- No one is perfect. Duh- You’ve made mistakes too. Duh- There are 2 sides to every story.
None of that takes away from the fact that you are allowed to have an opinion and speak your mind.
They will come at you with this when they want to turn the tables and distract you from your thoughts. This way, they can wiggle out of whatever hot water they are in and get by another moment with their misbehavior and shenanigans.
“I’m Sorry You Feel That Way.”
Translation: Can you get over it already?
They throw out this gem when they want you to hear the words I’m sorry without any of the substance. Later, you will inevitably get the phrase, “I said I was sorry, didn’t I?!”
The quintessential non-apology.
It’s not my fault that you’re taking it personally.
This is what they feel when they tell you this statement. They do not believe they are wrong in the least if they utter this. This one gets used when they cannot force themselves to make a more sincere-sounding fake apology.
This is when you know the conversation is over. They have long checked out of trying and don’t want to hear it anymore.
If you continue, you are wasting your breath. They have moved on.
A Few More Sayings
You are too sensitive
I never said that
I was just joking
It is not a big deal
You’re just trying to control me
Do you have any you heard in your relationships?
